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To coincide with the launch of her brand new album, Julie Anne McCambridge was interviewed by Father Ted Crilly and Father Dougal Maguire of Lion’s Milk Medium. The following is a transcript of their conversation, as broadcast on Radio 4 on 1 October 2000.
| Father Ted: | Now, Father Dougal tells me that you have a new CD coming out? |
| Julie Anne: | That’s right, it’s called ‘Stars and Mud’. |
| Father Ted: | And would I be right in saying that it is a ‘pop’ record? |
| Julie Anne: | Well, I suppose you could call it that. |
| Fr Dougal: | I’m deeply confused. |
| Father Ted: | What’s the matter Dougal? |
| Fr Dougal: | If it’s a CD, how can it be a record? |
| Father Ted: | In the music business we executives call albums ‘records’ whether they are CDs or vinyl. |
| Fr Dougal: | But she said this one’s made of mud. |
| Father Ted: | No, Dougal, she said it’s called "Mud". |
| Julie Anne: | "Stars and Mud", actually. |
| Father Ted: | Yes, I know that! Now can we get on with this interview please? |
| Fr Dougal: | Sorry Ted. |
| Father Ted: | Now is it true that you had your first big break when you won the ‘Miss Lovely Girl’ competition back in 1995? |
| Julie Anne: | Who told you about that? Have you been speaking to Toby? |
| Father Ted: | …and it says in your biography that you were a member of a reggae band, ‘the Black Trombones’ who only played one concert in Brixton. |
| Julie Anne: | That’s a mistake. |
| Fr Dougal: | Ted, I think you’d better start talking about the album. She’s looking just a little bit angry there. |
| Father Ted: | All in good time Dougal. So Julie Anne, have you been in any more movies since ‘the Magic Toyshop’ and ‘Jack the Ripper’? |
| Julie Anne: | Are you on something? Will you just cut the crap and talk about the CD. |
| Father Ted: | Er, yes, OK. Right Dougal, have you got the tracklist there? |
| Fr Dougal: | Are we going dog racing Ted? |
| Father Ted: | Just give me that here. |
| Fr Dougal: | Ouch! I didn’t think that priests were allowed to hit people. |
| Father Ted: | No Dougal, I think you’ll find that the new law only applies to nuns. Anyhow, there is nothing to stop a priest from hitting another priest, especially a thick one. |
| Julie Anne: | The album! |
| Father Ted: | Yes, indeed. The album. Now we at Lion’s Milk became interested in your mud record because of it’s biblical references. |
| Julie Anne: | What biblical references? |
| Father Ted: | Well, track one, for instance. ‘Jezebel’ is a well-known Old Testament character. |
| Fr Dougal: | And ‘Matilda’ was one of the daughters of the bloke with the bandages. |
| Father Ted: | No Dougal, that was Martha and Mary. |
| Julie Anne: | It’s not a religious album. |
| Father Jack: | Feck! |
| Julie Anne: | Who’s he? |
| Father Ted: | Oh, he just runs the record company. Father Jack likes a drink, now and again, that’s why we haven’t been able to spend too much on launching your album properly. |
| Fr Dougal: | What about all that money you put in your personal account, Ted? |
| Father Ted: | That money is just resting in my account for safe keeping, Dougal. Now can we please get on with the interview? Now onto the next song… |
| Julie Anne: | "You have misunderstood me." |
| Father Ted: | Why, what’s the matter? |
| Julie Anne: | No, that’s the name of the song. |
| Fr Dougal: | I’m hugely confused. |
| Julie Anne: | Have you actually listened to any of the album? |
| Fr Dougal: | Oh yes. There were quite a few rude words on it. Ted had to turn it off when the Bishop came round. |
| Julie Anne: | I was just being expressive. Sometimes you have to shout and swear before people sit up and take note. |
| Father Jack: | Drink! Feck! Girls! Arse! |
| Father Ted: | No, no! Calm down Father Jack. Miss McCambridge wasn’t talking to you then. It’s not time for your medication yet. Now where were we? |
| Julie Anne: | Can I ask you a question? |
| Father Ted: | Sure, fire away. |
| Julie Anne: | Why is the company called ‘Lion’s Milk’? Surely that is a contradiction in itself? |
| Father Ted: | Well we took the name from a line in Revelation 9 verse 8: "Their teeth like Lion’s teeth". |
| Fr Dougal: | But unfortunately Ted got ‘milk’ and ‘teeth’ mixed up. |
| Father Ted: | It was an easy mistake, Dougal. Anyway, I think that ‘Lion’s Milk’ has a nice ring to it. |
| Julie Anne: | It sounds to me that the whole thing is a shambles. Are there any other artists on your label? |
| Father Ted: | Well Dougal and I have written a song… |
| Fr Dougal: | …about a lovely horse. |
| Julie Anne: | I wish I hadn’t asked. |
| Mrs Doyle: | Tea everyone. Oh, heavens Father, you’ve got a woman in here with you. |
| Father Ted: | Don’t worry, Mrs Doyle, it’s all above board. |
| Fr Dougal: | Yes, Ted and I were just taking down her particulars. |
| Mrs Doyle: | Oh good. So you’ll all be wanting a nice cup of tea? |
| Julie Anne: | Not for me, thank you. It upsets my singing voice. |
| Mrs Doyle: | Go on, just a little cup… |
| Julie Anne: | No thank you. |
| Mrs Doyle: | Ah, you will… |
| Julie Anne: | I said ‘No Thank You’. |
| Mrs Doyle: | Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on… |
| Julie Anne: | I DON’T WANT ANY OF YOUR ******* TEA! Now will you just leave us alone? |
| Fr Dougal: | Oh my God Ted. Did you see Mrs Doyle’s face then? |
| Father Ted: | Nobody’s ever stood up to her like that before. Wow! I must say Julie Anne, you have a fine pair of lungs on you. |
| Fr Dougal: | Ted? Ted? Why are you lying on the floor? |
| Father Ted: | It appears that Miss McCambridge has a fine right fist, too. |
| Fr Dougal: | So I don’t suppose she’ll be autographing the album for me, Ted. |
| Father Ted: | No, Dougal, I don’t suppose she will. But I’m sure that we’ll hear a lot more of her in the future. |
| Father Jack: | Arse! |
